How to win Russian lady's heart through correspondence
Author: Irina Chernova
1. Don’t be ecstatic that this beautiful woman answered you.
It was expected that she would answer; you did everything right, so she could not help answering your letter. Remember that women don’t like sending negative answers, such as “I did not like you”, or “I don’t think we are right for each other” etc. They would rather don’t answer at all or, if they are kindly requested to answer, they are more likely to answer positively. The fact that she answered you only means she thinks you are good enough candidature to consider. You will still need to prove her that you are indeed her dream man that she was searching for so long.
2. Don’t shower woman with compliments.
Women don’t feel they deserve all those compliments and you will make the woman feel uncomfortable. She might decide you are in love with some ideal and not with her. You can compliment her deeds (for example, “I really enjoy reading your letters”) but you must not compliment her talents (don’t say, “You are such a great writer”). Regarding her appearance, you can say “I like you” or “I am attracted to you” but you should not say, “You are such a beautiful woman”. You can say, “I think you are stylish” but don’t say, “I always dreamt to find such a stunning and stylish girl like you”. Tell her about YOUR impressions about her and not about HER qualities.
3. Don’t use superlatives and multiple adjectives.
Using superlatives and multiple adjectives makes your letters sound “too flowery” and untrustworthy. Be stingy with your words and generous with your deeds. This is what worthy people in Russia do. They don’t talk much. It is people who talk too much that are doing very little.
4. Don’t ask women a list of questions in every letter.
Especially, don’t mark your questions 1,2,3, etc. Don’t ask questions for the sake of questions. If you really need to know something about the woman, tell about yourself in this regard and ask her what is her opinion about that. If it is important for you that she does not know your opinion before she renders hers, ask her about it like your have read about it in an article, or book, or seen a movie. From experience, most couples that start meaningful and exclusive correspondence discuss lots of books and movies. It helps people to understand each other. Books and movies are available in multitude of languages and you can read the same book in English and she in Russian, and then discuss it.
5. Don’t discuss any sexual topics.
In Russia, such topics can be discussed only between lovers. If you start talking about any sexual things, such as enjoying kisses and hugs, the woman will decide you are a sexual maniac. (Honest!) People in Russia do not approve public displays of affection and don’t talk about those things with virtual strangers. They also do not discuss sex until it happens in a natural way - but once you are lovers, she will be open to any intimate conversations. Since talking about sex with people you are not intimate with is a taboo, she will be shocked if you start talking about it in your letters. Women in Russia don’t have any sexual inhibitions and enjoy sex. But they are brought up in the way that it is not appropriate to talk about it. At the same time they are very interested if you are capable sexually - remember, they suspect that something may be wrong with a man if he is over 30 but had never been married. For that purpose, you were supposed to tell them that you are sexually healthy at the very first introduction letter, to address those fears. Further, you should avoid this topic altogether - until you have a chance to demonstrate her your sexual skills in action. :-)
6. Don’t keep quiet about future of your relationship.
Women are not interested in correspondence. They are interested in a marriage. They only correspond with you because they hope you will visit them one day and if there is the right chemistry, you will proceed to marriage. Nothing will advance your relationship with a woman faster than informing her that you are going to visit her country with the goal of a personal meeting. If you feel you would like to meet this woman, tell her about it and start planning your meeting, even if it is in a few months time. Tell her everything you do about organizing your meeting - you have read a website about travel to Russia, visited a travel agent, bought a Russian-English dictionary, etc. Engage her in your travel plans. Ask her which hotels in her city she can recommend, or better still, find information on hotels in her city on the Internet and give her the names of the hotels you found, and ask for her comments. Unless a woman feels there is a real prospective of a meeting, she will not be particularly interested in you and any guy who offers her a personal meeting will score more than you in her eyes.
7. Don’t be too pushy.
Women are wary of men who want to come and marry them tomorrow. This sounds desperate. They want worthy men and in Russia worthy men do not give up into a marriage easily. If you are too eager, she might decide you are not “worthy” and what you say about yourself is not true, i.e. something is wrong with you.
8. Don’t limit your communication by email.
Use all ways of communication - email, phone, airmail, etc. Call her at least once a week; some couples speak on the phone daily (in this case you may want to buy a discount phone card that allows to call to Russia for cents per minute). You may also want to teach the woman using instant messengers and video meeting software such as NetMeeting (if she agrees, you will need either to send her a web cam or money to buy one; this will be expected, as it was you who suggested it). Send women flowers for her birthday, New Year, St. Valentine and Woman’s day (8 March).
9. Don’t keep corresponding with dozens of women for a long time.
Usually 3-4 letters are enough to understand if you can imagine this person by your side for the rest of your life or you definitely can't. If you feel that this is not your dream woman or that you have some incurable incompatibilities, it is the best to stop correspondence the sooner the better, so you both can stop wasting your time and move on. Apologize and tell women how you feel, and wish them good luck in their search. They will be disappointed of course but they also don’t want to waste their time. Even though they will be disappointed, they will appreciate your honesty. You never know; this girl might be in contact with some other girls from your correspondence through online forums or other means. I know real life cases where girls compared their notes and found out nice or nasty things about their suitors. Remember, once you created something, it lives its own life and can surface anywhere, anytime. The world is so small. Online world is even smaller.
Example of a “farewell” letter:
“Dear [NAME], I feel terrible writing this letter but I know I have to collect myself and tell you. You probably already know what I am going to say. [NAME], I think you are a wonderful woman and will make one lucky man very happy but I also feel we are two different people. I think I should not mislead you and tell you honestly I cannot see us in a serious relationship and getting married. I am terribly sorry. I do like you and I wish you all the best and to find your second half. We can continue corresponding and you can always count on me as on your friend. You are a great person and you deserve to be happy. Your friend, John Smith.”
10. Stick to your priorities.
Before you started your search, you decided what type of a woman you are looking for. Stick to it. If you have placed your own ad, you may be receiving lots of letters from women that are younger or more educated than your initial choice. Don’t be tempted into going for more than you can bargain for. Yes, you can attract and marry a woman that is perfect in every way; but then you may find yourself in a situation where you all the time worry if she will stay with you. Are you perfect in every way? If not, then you should not go for somebody who is. Stick to your priorities.
Do not ask women about your age difference and how they feel about it, or how they feel about moving to country from the city, or how they feel about you not having a college degree while she has 2: you should not start correspondence with this woman if you think she might have a problem with that.
I have seen many men asking questions about age difference; even though they were the ones that wanted to find a woman who was much younger than themselves. If a woman corresponds with you, she does not think it is a big deal. She already made her decision about it. But by asking her, you make her feel as if you were insecure and this makes her feel like you are in doubt about her. It also hurts your image of a man who knows what he wants. Think before starting a relationship with the women; but once you have started, don't question them if you are good enough for them. If they say they want to be with you, they certainly think so.
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I am 28 years old Russian female, working in dating field for almost 10 years and my specialty is dating articles for ChanceForLove Russian women dating service. To read more dating related articles visit ChanceForLove website
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